Go the F to sleep

Ever used these tried and trusted beauties?

  • Taking your shoes off before you put your child to bed, so the shoes don’t make a noise when you leave the room at record snail pace
  • Ensuring you have gone to the toilet before you start the “book, rock, pat” routine so as you don’t have to “go” part way through and then have to “start all over” (usually another half hour at least on top of what you have already done) to put them back to bed. Cursing throughout the process.
  • Singing the same song, over….. and over…… again. And when you tire of hearing the song, you hum it.
  • Avoiding certain floor boards so they don’t CREAK!
  • After you have been leaning over the cot (for ages) just to be sure they are asleep, you literally peel yourself away one body part at a time, so slowly and awkwardly that you could now qualify as a Mime.
  • Turn the door handle and then hold the handle on the other side of the door so you don’t have to turn it again. This is especially useful if you have creaky door handles.
  • You are almost out of the room, so of course the most logical thing to do now is hold your breath so that NOTHING, not even the smallest particle of air could wake your child.
  • PRAY THEY STAY ASLEEP
  • Drink wine
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3 thoughts on “Go the F to sleep

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