Go the F to sleep

Ever used these tried and trusted beauties?

  • Taking your shoes off before you put your child to bed, so the shoes don’t make a noise when you leave the room at record snail pace
  • Ensuring you have gone to the toilet before you start the “book, rock, pat” routine so as you don’t have to “go” part way through and then have to “start all over” (usually another half hour at least on top of what you have already done) to put them back to bed. Cursing throughout the process.
  • Singing the same song, over….. and over…… again. And when you tire of hearing the song, you hum it.
  • Avoiding certain floor boards so they don’t CREAK!
  • After you have been leaning over the cot (for ages) just to be sure they are asleep, you literally peel yourself away one body part at a time, so slowly and awkwardly that you could now qualify as a Mime.
  • Turn the door handle and then hold the handle on the other side of the door so you don’t have to turn it again. This is especially useful if you have creaky door handles.
  • You are almost out of the room, so of course the most logical thing to do now is hold your breath so that NOTHING, not even the smallest particle of air could wake your child.
  • PRAY THEY STAY ASLEEP
  • Drink wine

You know you are a mother of boys when

  1. Your house has become a race track for cars or a sprint track for running. Or both.
  2. You know every superhero name AND their villains
  3. Your child’s first word was OUT as in “I want to go outside because the pure thought of being couped up inside is bringing me to tears” – Master Two at 13 Months.
  4. Even sitting requires moving
  5. Sport – really no further explanation required here
  6. Balls – as above
  7. Household items have become bats – spoons, chopsticks, spatulas, rulers etc
  8. Parks and playgrounds are your very dear friends
  9. Having a civilised meal in a restaurant is virtually impossible
  10. “Please don’t jump on……….” and “Please don’t jump off…….” are common phrases in your day
  11. You have started carrying a packet of bandaids in your bag.
  12. It is impossible to leave the house without taking food.
  13. Three words sum up their day Eat, run, sleep – Repeat.

10 ways of the sleep deprived mum…

cold coffee1. You don’t text back. I don’t know how many times I have done this. But it happens all the time. Someone texts me, I read it, I answer it in my brain, I am interrupted by a) screaming child b) hungry child c) pulling at my leg child or d) all of the above. Text is immediately forgotten. You get another text from the same friend “did u get my text?” Of course I did, didn’t you get mine? And then, you check. There is either a message half finished in draft form or there is no message. Usually, there is no message. Dammit!

2. You lose track of conversation. You are having a wonderful conversation with a friend about something great and you are interrupted by a) mum, MUM! b) a meltdown c) an event that requires immediate intervention d) all the above …and Faboooooosh! Thread of conversation obliterated. Train of thought left faster than the speed of light. Worst still you are chatting with another sleep deprived mum and when you return to the conversation you look at each other blankly – deer in headlights style. Neither of you remember what were talking about .

3. You can’t remember if you had a shower today, or yesterday. No explanation required there.

4.  A trip to Coles ON YOUR OWN is like your first car ride with your p plates. Pure joy.

5. You arrive home from an outing and realise you a) have baby spew on your clothes or much worse b) remnants of poo

6. You have about three cups of cold tea or coffee at various drop points around the house. After the second round of re-heating you finally give up.

7. Just the thought of wearing high heels almost has you keeling over in agony. And when you do decide to go there you totally regret it and keel over in agony.

8. Eyeliner is your new best friend.

9. You forget. EVERYTHING. Its a miracle that you and your children are all still alive.

10. You have become the Mother of Dragons. The less sleep, the bigger the dragon  – don’t even THINK about messing with me today. One more child meltdown, one more throw of your gourmet meal on the floor, one more “But WHYYYYY” grating on your brain and I will seriously burn the whole house down, Khaleesi style.

Congratulations, I am now 100 Years old…

colours of motherhood

Of course I don’t mean this literally but, this is fast becoming my go to phrase of 2015. Let me tell you why. There are two things that have really surprised me about being a mother. 1) I never thought my children would assert their feelings about what they want to wear so early in life. I also thought, girls would be more prone to this behaviour (how gender bias of me), I was SO wrong. You know how you go to the supermarket and see Mothers with children half dressed or dressed in a costume with gumboots and wearing an array of accessories? and, you think smugly to yourself “why on earth did that mother let her child out in public like that?”. Well, let me tell you, she absolutely did not dress them like that and to change the attire to something more socially acceptable for the public…

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thanks Frankie

colours of motherhood

Welcome dear friends to the first post of my new venture, Colours of Motherhood. A couple of little pieces of information to get us started. I have ideas. Lots of them. I am pretty sure my husband could have a small savings account by now from all the times I have said to him “So I have an idea”. I have house reno ideas, craft ideas, business ideas, story ideas, cost saving, environment helping and recycling ideas. The list goes on. Some of my ideas become something but most get written down in a notebook to read during my rare moments of reflection and contemplation as my little Masters 1 and 2 sleep long enough for me to reheat my cold cup of decaffeinated coffee and fantasise about said ideas.

Colours of Motherhood was of course one of these ideas. I thought it would be a sensational title for a…

View original post 681 more words

thanks Frankie

Welcome dear friends to the first post of my new venture, Colours of Motherhood. A couple of little pieces of information to get us started. I have ideas. Lots of them. I am pretty sure my husband could have a small savings account by now from all the times I have said to him “So I have an idea”. I have house reno ideas, craft ideas, business ideas, story ideas, cost saving, environment helping and recycling ideas. The list goes on. Some of my ideas become something but most get written down in a notebook to read during my rare moments of reflection and contemplation as my little Masters 1 and 2 sleep long enough for me to reheat my cold cup of decaffeinated coffee and fantasise about said ideas.

Colours of Motherhood was of course one of these ideas. I thought it would be a sensational title for a book and although I have written a few words down, there is probably enough for half a chapter. Awesome job. Not really going to get half a chapter published any time soon so thought it could work as a great title for my jump into the virtual world. So that’s the title. Let me tell you the picture has already been my first stumbling block. I trawled through an excessive amount of photos from past overseas holidays hoping to find the perfect landscape, sunset, garden or water shot that would do a supreme job at helping you the reader to feel serene, contemplative etc etc. I love taking photos and there were many to choose from but none matched the title. And then it dawned on me. Colours of Motherhood is pretty much the complete opposite of serene. I am a stay at home mother of two adorable boys and my waking hours are spent feeding, cleaning, tidying (yes, they are different), washing, drying, cooking, and being an amateur at all things art and craft, ball sports, healthcare and general house and garden maintenance. In fact just the other day I embarked on some trimming in the garden whilst kicking a soccer ball to my three yr old. Yes that did happen and yes, it was difficult. But, I wanted to garden and my son wanted to play ball. These are the things one does when you have different daily priorities to a three yr old. Anyway back to the picture, I needed something that depicted my average day. Really, there was nothing more fitting than one of my sons paintings. It was perfect. Colourful, messy, spontaneous and in the moment. I am not the careful photographer travelling the world pre-engaged DINK (double income no kids, love that term), I am a mother in a house filled with boys. Things have changed.

And then lastly, the title of my first post. About two years ago I was sitting in my friends toilet and like all good toilet rooms it had reading material. Now I know some of you might cringe at the reading on the toilet idea but lets face it, for those of you who have children you understand one very important thing, time to yourself is so precious that you will take any time you can get to yourself, even if its on the toilet. I picked up a Frankie magazine and my life changed. For those of you already acquainted with Frankie your heads will be nodding and you will be mm mmm-ing in quiet approval. Frankie is an amazing magazine filled with all the things that I love and have very little time to do any of – art, photography, travel, craft, home and things about life. It is incredibly well written and showcases all things and all people who are, in their own way, crafty. I am entering my third year of subscription and it is one of those “looking forward to getting a letter in the mail when you were 7” moments, when it arrives. I wait till the boys are asleep and I escape to a world where other peoples’ ideas have actually come to fruition and of course, I get inspired. So, thanks Frankie for being my inspiration and for reminding me that there are fantastic, creative little bodies out there just going about their business and making things just that little bit more interesting.

So, what can you expect from Colours of Motherhood? Little snippets of my ideas I guess. You might see crafty things, little stories or poems about my experiences in life and with my children, quotes that I like to help us get through the day, maybe a recipe. General musings about life and the universe.

I hope you enjoy reading.

PS – apologies in advance for any grammar no nos or anything like that. It is a christmas miracle that this was written in one sitting (during nap time). I had just enough time to skim proof read to ensure it sounded ok.

Have a great weekend.

E