1. You don’t text back. I don’t know how many times I have done this. But it happens all the time. Someone texts me, I read it, I answer it in my brain, I am interrupted by a) screaming child b) hungry child c) pulling at my leg child or d) all of the above. Text is immediately forgotten. You get another text from the same friend “did u get my text?” Of course I did, didn’t you get mine? And then, you check. There is either a message half finished in draft form or there is no message. Usually, there is no message. Dammit!
2. You lose track of conversation. You are having a wonderful conversation with a friend about something great and you are interrupted by a) mum, MUM! b) a meltdown c) an event that requires immediate intervention d) all the above …and Faboooooosh! Thread of conversation obliterated. Train of thought left faster than the speed of light. Worst still you are chatting with another sleep deprived mum and when you return to the conversation you look at each other blankly – deer in headlights style. Neither of you remember what were talking about .
3. You can’t remember if you had a shower today, or yesterday. No explanation required there.
4. A trip to Coles ON YOUR OWN is like your first car ride with your p plates. Pure joy.
5. You arrive home from an outing and realise you a) have baby spew on your clothes or much worse b) remnants of poo
6. You have about three cups of cold tea or coffee at various drop points around the house. After the second round of re-heating you finally give up.
7. Just the thought of wearing high heels almost has you keeling over in agony. And when you do decide to go there you totally regret it and keel over in agony.
8. Eyeliner is your new best friend.
9. You forget. EVERYTHING. Its a miracle that you and your children are all still alive.
10. You have become the Mother of Dragons. The less sleep, the bigger the dragon – don’t even THINK about messing with me today. One more child meltdown, one more throw of your gourmet meal on the floor, one more “But WHYYYYY” grating on your brain and I will seriously burn the whole house down, Khaleesi style.